Wednesday 19 August 2015

19 August : 'BB'

The local hospice bookshop has come up trumps again! 


First of all I must admit that it was not the prospect of pools, streams and waterfalls that attracted me to this book but the charming image of myself and MrM wandering beside our waterfall, in front of our Lutyens house, accompanied by our Irish Wolfhounds. We are walking the dogs wearing evening dress.


The introduction claims that "anyone can have running water in their garden, even though they live miles from the nearest stream. The cost will not be prohibitive, a ten-pound note should cover it...Some people lose more than that amount at cards in one evening's gaming, or a dinner and dance at a swagger hotel." So, if we cut back on swagger hotels we can have our own waterfall!


Inside there is a plethora of instructions and enough illustrations with cross-hatching to make your knees go wobbly. The advice is based on experience "A word of warning! Let me tell you that the lady of the house will, in nine cases out of ten, be against the proposal...Tact, therefore, must be used, and guile...By far the best time to execute the work is during their absence, indeed, in these difficult times of servant shortage, I would even go so far as to murmur that a short holiday is just what they need." Indeed. Well, I am not sure if MrM has noticed that there is a servant shortage but I am sure I could pack him off on a holiday.


Our new stream, pool and waterfall could offer endless opportunities for artistic expression. I have spent some time examining the method of carving gargoyles from concrete blocks - why have I never thought of this before? There would also be the chance to earn pin money from breeding goldfish. I am sure that the visiting cat would contribute to that project. But no water fowl, which is fine by me.


On the back cover are the descriptions of other books in the series - I am quite tempted by 'Gladioli' which the Glasgow Bulletin describes as "One of the most complete manuals I have ever seen" but feel that as a beginner 'A Real ABC of Gardening' might be more appropriate as it gives "fullest details of the simplest horticultural operations". I'll keep my eye out for it in the bookshop.

10 comments:

  1. What thorough instructions. I'd like a charming little shingle beach. I can easily get hold of shingle if you'd like some too. It reminds me in tone of the breezy assertion by Vita Sackville-West that everyone has at least four walls against which to grow climbers. Clearly never seen a semi let alone a terrace or a block of flats.

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    1. I would love a charming little shingle beach too! I suppose that I could convert the back garden into a seaside theme and paint the summer house in cheery stripes. Would an ice cream van be a little too much do you think?

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  2. But, darling, how would one survive without one's swagger hotels?

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    1. This worried me too so I have decided to give up gambling instead.

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  3. What a lovely book. You just don't get any with such charm these days.

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    1. 'BB' wrote 'The Little Grey Men' which was a childhood favourite. I picked up a wonderful copy of this at the same time and will be rereading it this weekend.

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  4. walking the dogs in evening dress.
    That's, why I don't have a dog.
    No evening dress.

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    1. It is a more informal culture in South Africa - I am sure you could get away with a smart trouser suit.

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  5. Replies
    1. It is very adorable. There are detailed instructions for avoiding flies from your water feature by spraying your house with DDT. Apparently it is most efficacious.

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