I regret to report that I am currently using the Secateurs of Shame which are bright orange and cannot be lost. Unlike the Ultra Secateurs which have titanium edges to the blades, extra safety features and green handles. MrM has lived under emergency measures for the past year with the strict understanding that he must not, ever, on any account, even think of using the Ultra Secateurs which have my name written on them in capital letters for the avoidance of doubt. They have retained their fresh-from-the-box look due to a religious attention to cleaning and oiling. All of which will not help them when they reach the recycling centre in the pile of clippings where I last saw them. All I have to do now is explain the incident to MrM but that is a problem for Future Alice. In the meanwhile here is somebody else's front door and somebody else's Pyracantha.
I totally did that once, during a feverish episode of rose pruning. I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteIn my mind's eye I can see you out there attacking the David Austin roses like a whirling dervish and then tossing your secateurs onto the heap as the ultimate offering.
DeleteI almost fell off my stool laughing while reading this. Future Alice. I'm going to use that. However, I am sorry to hear about your Ultra Secateurs. It is very easy to mislay tools and indeed very expensive and best pairs of glasses (as I did this summer) in bags of clippings...
ReplyDeleteMasterM introduced me to the concept of Future Alice. It is surprisingly effective at reducing moments of panic and explains why he is so chilled all the time.
DeleteI threw mine over a (land) cliff once with the bundle of weeds I was foolishly holding in the same hand. A man climbed down and retrieved them. The second time it happened I couldn't tell anyone so it has remained my guilty secret.
ReplyDeleteA problem shared is a problem halved - don't worry, I won't tell a soul.
DeleteOh dear, but we've all done it, I have countless hand forks rotting and rusting in the allotment compost heap. The worst was when my pruning saw fell in the shredder - I can hear the grinding noise now.
ReplyDeleteOh no!! A former colleague stood too close to the shredder which was on auto setting and watched her expensive mac get gobbled up.
DeleteI suppose this is the case of the Non Secateur...
ReplyDeleteOff to the Naughty Step for an hour or two...
DeleteOops technical problems!
ReplyDeleteMr M that is dreadful, perhaps the best penance would be New Secateurs For Christmas.
Am intrigued by the door.. Is there actually a house behind there or is it just a door to a secret garden?
I don't know! It looks a like a proper front door with a letter box but I can't see the house behind. I will check next time I am in Salisbury and report back.
DeleteMy green handled secateurs haven't been seen for fifteen years...
ReplyDeleteI like to think of the archaeologists of the future finding secateurs in domestic gardens and discussing the role of offerings to the garden gods in post war horticulture.
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